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I'm tired of restaurants making us eat against the clock | Jay Rayner

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Three courses, coffee and a good chat with friends squeezed into 90 minutes? That’s not my idea of a relaxing night out

How long does it take you to eat your dinner? By which I mean a proper dinner: three courses; elbows on the table; yes, I’d love a coffee; now finish your anecdote? I only ask because increasingly, certain restaurants think there’s a strong chance that instead of coming to eat some lovely food and have a jolly time, you might be intent on table blocking. They are instituting time limits. At places like Novikov and Sushisamba, Aqua Shard and so many more, restaurants where the prices will make your credit card smell of burning plastic, you are told the table is yours for two hours and no more. Clear off. Charmed, I’m sure.

This peaked with a recent opening – they’ll remain nameless to protect the guilty – which said you might have to give your table back after 90 minutes. This is a restaurant where three courses, with a cheaper bottle of wine, will cost £60 a head or 66p a minute. I suggested via Twitter that this was a bit much. They were indignant. They told me they were a lovely, relaxed restaurant but that some people might want to have a quicker meal before the theatre.

I sat there worrying whether their failure to take my order for 20 minutes was part of the tick, tick, tick

Related: Clare Smyth, world’s best female chef: ‘I’m not going to stand and shout at someone. It’s just not nice’

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