Doubtless you've heard the news. According to researchers at University College London, if we want to live longer, we should aim to eat not just five portions of fruit and vegetables a day as the government advises, but seven. Yes, seven. We'll all snuff it in the end, of course, but the effect of such remorseless peeling and munching is nevertheless considered to be "staggering". Risk of death by any cause over the course of the study it involved 65,226 people was reduced by 42% for those who ate seven portions or more.
Or more? The mind boggles. Most of us struggle to eat three portions a day, let alone seven or eight. For one thing, life is busy. For another, we have all sorts of weird rules and regulations when it comes to fruit and veg. In theory, I like them all celery, blueberries and persimmon apart (never, ever give me a persimmon; I will probably throw it at you). But in practice, this is complicated. For instance: I like oranges, but they must generally be peeled, sliced and carefully caramelised before eating. Spring greens, kale and carrots I will eat only when accompanied by about a ton of butter and pepper. Ditto parsnips and potatoes. Peas, unless they're straight out of the pod, are best cooked the French way, with lettuce, spring onions, sugar and yes more butter. Apples look alluringly Cézanne-ish in a bowl, but if they don't disappoint on the first bite, boredom often sets in halfway through. Pears are heaven, but the optimum eating period between rock hardness and gritty mushiness lasts for only 47 seconds, which is tricky if you've got a job. Salad requires dressing, and preferably a load of anchovies and parmesan, too. Radishes are excellent, but only with homemade mayonnaise. Strawberries demand cream. Raspberries demand meringues. Passionfruit cry out for both.
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